Ciao~

Good and bad, both have their flairs. For matter of facts, I have more good memory over bad.

Just that... Writing here will remind me of him. I still love him dearly. However accompany with that, are pinch of pains. Time has healed my scar, yet not fully recover. Inking the bits over here don't really sound a good idea. I need a change, like the wonderful things happening around me.

Maybe when I am able to love him in a way I now love the others, those who I had once loved so deeply, love in a more settle, quiet and calm way. I might consider it. *smile*

So, bye people. *smile*

牙刷。

他伤的我好深。。。好深。。。但我真的庆幸能遇见他。毕竟，他为我带来了很多美好回忆。

很多人都说我很傻，说他不值的我为他而心伤，身伤和神伤。

他们说了他许多不好的流言蜚语，说了许多许多。。。但是，爱情是盲目的。。。直到如今，我还是相信他心地是好的。只是，我两之间的爱情已划上句号了。

我已经尽力了，也没有遗憾了。

今早，我终于鼓起勇气把那支牙刷丢进了垃圾桶。那支因他而买的牙刷。。。告别了我的初恋。

如果有缘再见，就让我们在笑声中，清谈闲聊，度过个悠闲的下午。

Lost in conversation...

*My third attempt…*

Mel: 嗨，是智菁吗？

On the other side: Bis du? *Okie, this means “who is it?” in German…*

Mel: Zi Jing… Zi Jing… Errmmm… Stefan… Stefan… Ermmmm…

On the other side: bvci dagfafb ajhfcviyccbe *No idea… More German*

Mel: Do you speak English?

On the other side: Nine *Again… German… It means “No.”*

Mel: Stefan? Ermmm… … … I will call back later…

*My fourth attempt…*

Mel: Hi, may I speak to Zi Jing?

On the other side: Bis du? Dbeydfvjhvcyeevffe… *More German… This is hopeless and it ain’t getting anywhere… T_T* Nisht sprechen Deutsh? *Okie, I know this, ”You don’t speak German?”*

Mel: Nine… Dooo yoouuu speeaaakkk Engeelishhhh?

On the other side: A little bit…

Mel: Mayyyy I speakkk toooo Stefannnn? Is he around?

On the other side: Nine… civwey fehfcasdycfevce ccb eceocbe 6obbvvhkza adawdfaffeffefeaffefefefe… … *More jargon… T_T*

Mel: Isssss Stefan’s wifeeeeee arrrounnndd? Wife… Wife… Wife… Ziiii Jingggg… Ian’s Mama… Dian’s Mama…?

On the other side: Nine… nine… Your name?

Mel: Mellllvinnnnn… M… E… L… V… I… N…

On the other side: M…A… L…W…

Mel: Nine… nine… M… E… L… V… I… N…

On the other side: Melvin!!!!!!!!!!

智菁：喂，你神经病啊？说了一大堆英文。。。 ＊七嘴八舌的向智菁＊

Liar! Arggghhh...

*... Chatting after vegetarian Yum Cha...*

Mel: I invited some friends over for dinner and CM was one of them. Some time during the dinner, at the very moment when CM was chewing a piece of pork spare ribs, I suddenly recalled that she is a Muslim. I stopped her and all she said was, “I will bismilah later...”

*CM and ST are mumbling by the side with the menu covering part of their face...*

CM: I had already told him...

ST: Are you sure?

*FT and CY are listening with a weird look...*

Mel: Well, I always forget that she is a Muslim... Like my cousin brother, not such a strict Muslim and he do eat roasted pork...

CM: Mel, do you know how old am I?

Mel: Two years younger than me, so?

*The girls have this wicked smile on and... a look of unbelievable...*

CM: I am actually your age and I do go to temple, like Chinese temple... I am not a Muslim. I thought I have already told you... Like two years ago...

*Mel in total shock...*

Mel: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... No... You didn’t...

CM: Well, now you know.

FT: You actually believe it? *lol*

CY: From any aspects you look at it, don’t you think those are just plain lies? Well, none of us believe it, not even a second. *lol*

ST: You believe that for seven years? If she was a Muslim, she would have pray, wouldn't she? Do you really think that she can't taste the differences between pork and beef?*lol*

*Everyone by the table is having a good laugh... of course other than me... speechless I am...*

Mel: ... ... ... ... ... ... seven years... so how about the fiancé?

CM: That is a lie too, OBBBViouuuusssslyyyyy~ *lol* Can’t you tell? You are too innocent! *lol* Oh ya by the way, I am actually a guy and did my operation in Thailand years ago. These boobs are fake and merely just some silicon! *CM pokes at her boobs as she laughs...*

*The others nodding to show their acknowledgement.*

Mel: Ya right!!!

FT: Mel, you are just too innocent... Believing it for 7 years... *lol*

Mel: Argggghhh! You evil woman! *Grumpy!!!*

...Clumsy?

Thanks to the good old uni days, I have never really had problems in giving speech. Pretty much just used to get up and talk with few points in mind and a shot of life juice. Fun, entertaining and engaging, that is my way.

Having said so, I did pretty clumsy yesterday.

I was giving my first work presentation to my colleagues to show my understanding on mobile network. The amount of terminology and jargons were quite overwhelming. I was sort of struggling to speak fluently. As time passed, I could feel my tempo rather messy. My gut feeling, “Shit! I fucked it…” I simply couldn’t wait to end my embarrassment and misery.

I finished my last word and stood still… I stayed calm with the thought, “Come! Shoot me at the head… I can take it…”

… Waiting for judgement…

Surprisingly, my colleagues were pretty happy with my work. They like it. I guess I have always been harsh and too critical on myself. Often myself being the only one having problems with my own work.

Oh well, I did well. *smile*

天渐渐亮了。。。

无声撕力的呐喊。。。一次又一次的呐喊。。。不为什么，只想让自己好过些些。。。只想把那股让自己几乎窒息的郁闷宣泄出来。。。不停的重复着。。。不停的重复着。。。

我好些了吗？

挥之不去的惆怅，划过脸颊眼泪，抽痛着的心不是已告知了我吗？

越是想要解脱，越是想要放手，越是想要遗忘。。。越是如此，越是无法自己。。。

冷冷的，凄凄的。。。温热的泪早已冷却消散，只留下泪痕，只留下心痕，只留下难挨的疼痛。。。

累了。。。累了。。。真的累了。。。无力的瘫在床上，望着灰灰天花，脑中一片空白，嘴上哼着，“我想起了遇見你的時候，想起你眼神中的溫柔,想起了我們第一次牽手，想起你親吻我的時候。。。似乎那麼害怕失去我，然而到後來我什麼都沒有，當你離開的時候。。。越是沒有你越是心痛。。。”

天渐渐亮了。。。

Next phase.

I have embarked into my next phase of life on 21st January 2008. Saying goodbye to more than 20 years of study and starting my career with Telstra.

Was I really nervous and excited over it? Not precisely. I guess I have always love the idea of working. Life simply just felt like back to normal.

My first day at work was pretty relax and *Hmmmm...* I will rather say boring. I did some online assignments and started to read some reference materials. Also, I was introduced to the guys mainly in my division and around our level. *Hmmm...* Then, there was ID card registration and... Pretty much getting myself settled. Nothing much... Without any dramas, I survived my first day at work. Although I just began, I like my workplace. My desk is facing the window, aka nice view. My manager and colleagues are pretty cool people and pretty easy going. My work environment is pretty casual and rather relax in a good way. In a nut shell, boring yes, but I am quite happy.

My second day, it was pretty much the same. I was bored the whole day and struggled to get awake while reading the 200 odd pages jargon reference. Frankly speaking, not an idea on what I had read. Having said so, things rather changed, only after my senior colleagues briefed me more on the division. It was pretty cool. The things we do cover the full life cycle of wireless voice transmission. Furthermore, I have some tasks in my book and am given some directions. That will keep me busy for a week plus. I am pretty happy. At least, I will be distracted for the time being, will be less of him...

*Cross fingers* Things will only get better! *smile*